Dear Abby: I started seeing someone I've known for years. On our first date, he told me that he had tried several times to divorce his ex-wife of many years. He said they live in different states, and every time he tries, something goes wrong.
I'm about to start nursing school, and what I want is a relationship that works around my schedule. We've talked about dating each other exclusively, but agreed that wouldn't lead to marriage because he's three and doesn't currently have the funds to hire a lawyer to get out of this. I see him as a friend who enjoys the benefits of hanging out with him. Is this relationship good? – Challenge in Utah
Dear challenger: You seem very clear about how serious this relationship is. If it's okay with you, okay with him, and okay with wife #3, then it's okay with me. Yes?
Dear Abby: I live with a wonderful partner. We share the duties of building beautiful lives around us. However, our mutual friends seem to praise my partner, but not me. I wonder if this might be my fault. I always say good things about him, but I find a lot of negative things said about me. Once, when I confronted him about this, the response was: “Don't you talk about me to other people?” I've never said anything bad about him to anyone. Am I creating a circle of hate around myself? – Set in Minnesota
Dear department: No, you're not. If your partner has a complaint about you, they should discuss it with you rather than with the people you socialize with. The phrase “cycle of hate” sounds extreme, but a “cool” partner who paints you in a negative light hardly enhances your image, and needs to be stopped. This won't happen until you finally draw the line and make it clear that what he was doing is unacceptable.
Dear Abby: My husband has a terrible habit. He likes to order dessert first and have it served to him after the waitstaff has taken everyone's order. Last night, we were at a birthday party with 15 adults at a restaurant and he did it again.
They served a wonderful cake for dessert, which he enjoyed at the end of the meal, as well as his pie at the beginning when no one was having anything but drinks. He says he wasn't rude, but I don't agree with that. Please what do you say? – Back in Iowa
Dear successor: This may not be a question of whether your husband is being mean to you because of his sugar indulgence as much as what is healthy for him. How does he weigh? His blood sugar levels? Does diabetes run in the family? What does his doctor think about that?
Although asking for dessert before dinner and again after is unusual, I'm not sure it's rude. However, this may be an attempt to attract attention.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
