DEAR ABBY: I have been in love with a married man for more than 16 years. It started before he married, but I was married at the time, so he married her. He always told me he wouldn’t leave his wife, but I hoped he would.
Three weeks ago, I told him I could no longer go on this way and to have a great life. Two weeks later, he emailed me asking if he was still in my heart and said he was having doubts about his marriage. We live 400 miles apart, but I drove to see him last weekend.
He told me he loved me, which he’s never admitted before, and said he isn’t sure what he’s going to do. Now I don’t know what to do, either, or how to act. Do I keep moving on to find someone else in case he doesn’t pick me, or contact him so he doesn’t lose sight of me? — HURTING HEART IN VIRGINIA
DEAR HURTING HEART: This person told you he would never leave his wife, and for 16 years he has stuck to his word. He told you he loves you because you drew the line. This is his attempt to reel you back into a relationship that is headed nowhere. Please, for your own sake, keep moving and do not contact him again.
DEAR ABBY: Nine years ago, I severed all ties with my mother-in-law after she accused my husband of sexually assaulting his sister when she was in her teens. His sister died nine years ago from starvation after she was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Since then, I have not spoken to his mother. However, two of my children are recently married. I’m starting to feel guilty for not telling her that her two grandchildren got married. Should I say something to her? — FEELING GUILTY IN ILLINOIS
DEAR FEELING GUILTY: I do think you should speak to her. It is a shame that she has lost both of her children. If you think it would make her feel better, you and your husband could tell her about the weddings — but only in the context of healing the breach that may have been created because of a delusion suffered by your late, mentally ill sister-in-law.
DEAR ABBY: My 21-year-old grandson is a dramatic and arrogant know-it-all. My issue is that he’s disrespectful to me, especially in social situations. He’ll roll his eyes or flap his arms around as if I have two heads. He’s actually mean-spirited. I’m not sure how to handle it. Should I simply ignore him, or should I confront him with how I feel? — MISERABLE GRANDMA IN OHIO
DEAR GRANDMA: You should definitely tell him how you feel if you haven’t already done it. He’s acting like an overgrown adolescent. If his behavior continues, avoid him, if possible, as you would any other person who treats you with disrespect.
P.S. Also give serious consideration to “avoiding” him on his birthday, at Christmas, during graduation and any other gift-giving occasion.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
