Dear Abby: A year ago, I found out that my husband had been cheating on me with multiple women for over a decade and had maintained two of his conquests throughout that time. He also sent all our savings to his girlfriends in another country. Because we have two disabled adult children and one neurotypical adult child, I decided to stay in the marriage.
A year later, I'm still struggling. In fact, I feel bad. I can barely sleep and have severe anxiety. I have no one to talk to about this because I feel embarrassed and humiliated by what he did to our family. To protect my children, because they would suffer needlessly if they found out about his infidelity, I put on a façade and pretended everything was fine.
I'm desperate for sleep, but all I do is cry and wander around my house at night. My husband puts all the blame on me, making me feel so betrayed and hurt that I don't know what to do. What steps should I take to put this behind me and move forward without having to replay it in my head all the time? — The world shook in California
Dear rock world: Your first step should be to talk to your doctor about what's going on, then ask for a referral to a licensed mental health professional. It's important to have someone to talk to because staying silent makes you sick.
Telling the truth will not reflect poorly on you. Your children have nothing to gain by staying in the dark. When your husband emptied your bank account, he was hurting him financially as well as you. Once you are emotionally stronger, consult a lawyer and take your cues from that person on how to protect yourself and your children.
Dear Abby: My mother and I have a very difficult relationship. She wants to treat me like a child, even though I'm 66 years old. My husband and I do a lot of things for her and her husband, since they are in their mid-80s.
Thanksgiving was a disaster, and we no longer wanted to spend any holiday with them. She asks everyone except me why I am angry with her. When I tried to explain to her in a letter how her actions affected me, she got defensive and called it “hateful.” I don't like confrontations. I'm like a deer in the headlights and can't think of anything to say to her. How can I tell her we're planning a vacation alone now, without her feeling like we hate her? — Alone in the south
Dear Alone: I see no reason to tell your mother that you will not spend any more holidays with her and her husband. If I ask you, say you've made “other plans” and won't be available. If she accuses you of hating her or being angry with her, tell her the reasons mentioned above In your messageIt has become very stressful.
If your mother complains to the rest of the relatives, as she probably will, explain the reasons for missing the stressful holidays and tell them that they can explain it to her because every time you tried, she ignored you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
