Dear Abby: I have been an amateur astronomer for over 25 years. I always go for meteor watching as well as observing any celestial event. This year, I invited my brother-in-law and his wife to watch the meteor shower with my husband and me. Since we both have campers, I reserved and paid a deposit for two campsites in a beautiful location, close to some of the best night skies. The reservation was made more than a month ago.
My sister-in-law, who I love dearly and have been good friends with for over 20 years, called me yesterday to tell me that my BIL had invited three of their pre-teen granddaughters. Abby, I thought they understood that it would be an adult event, where we would be up half the night and traveling 30 minutes to the dark sky site. I do this every year.
I told my SIL that my BIL should have asked me first since I invited them and made all the arrangements for the event. We talked on the phone for 90 minutes before I told her my BIL card was wrong because she didn't ask me first if it was ok.
Moments after I hung up, she texted me and told me to cancel my reservation because they wouldn't be showing up. We drive 90 miles to this campsite. They live 30 minutes away from it. Was I wrong when I told her I should have been asked first because I was the host for two days and two nights? – Starry eyes in the West
Dear starry-eyed one: Your brother-in-law should not invite anyone without agreeing with you first. What they did may have been well intentioned, but it was also rude. If any of these girls show an interest in astronomy, in the future you may choose to invite them to this type of event. But their presence should not appear to you as it was.
Dear Abby: I have been married for nearly 20 years. My mother-in-law has always been aggressive, critical, and interferes in our business. My husband never asked her to stop because he could never stand up to her. It's unfortunate that I didn't stand up for myself as well. I finally got it down and cut it somewhat.
My husband says he supports me but he never shows it. Now he talks to her a lot away from home and lies to me about it. Since I stood up to her, he has also backed away from me emotionally, which he was barely able to do before. She is still involved in every part of his life and gives him speeches as if he were still her little child.
I'm done with this unhealthy dynamic. I insisted on treatment but I saw no change in it at all. It only goes because I forced it. Do you have any advice? -Burned in New York
Dear Burning One: I agree that the dynamic you described is unhealthy. Your husband seems more attached to his mother than to you. Don't do anything out of or out of anger. If you're really stressed out, keep talking with your therapist to help you decide how to move forward.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
