Dear Abby: My ex-husband and I share a 3-year-old grandson through our son. Up until now, this hasn't been a big deal because I live in the same city as my son's family, but that's about to change. My grandson is the joy of my life, and I plan to visit wherever they move to after my son's job transfer. I've been thinking about returning to our hometown. Unbeknownst to me, my son was also thinking about returning there.
The problem for me is that my ex-husband still lives there, and tends to take over and monopolize the child in the same way he did with our son. He is still hostile to me 20 years after our divorce.
Part of me says I need to be willing to endure the pain of being in close proximity to my ex in order to be close to my grandson. However, he strongly reminded me to remain married to him for what I considered the well-being of our children. In hindsight, that was of course misguided. Despite my reservations, should I put my doubts aside and return to my city and see what happens? — Decisions that must be made
Dear Decisions: Discuss your reservations with your son and daughter-in-law. If your ex tries to monopolize his child, can he stop it? On the plus side, you're not the same woman you were 20 years ago. I'd like to think you're stronger and smarter now. If I'm right, while your ex may be a pain in the back, they will be a potential pain, and you will have the access you want to your grandchild.
Dear Abby: My mother-in-law has a habit that makes me feel nauseous. When we go out to dinner with her, she often asks, “Can I taste that?” Then, without waiting for a response, she would put her fork or spoon into my food and take a bite. I feel nauseous when I try to eat the rest of the portion. I don't know how to deal with this. She is very sensitive and gets offended easily, and I always had the feeling that she didn't like me and didn't think I was good enough for her son.
I have asked my husband to nicely ask his mother to stop doing this, but he refuses because he does not want to insult his mother. When I told him it made me feel sick to my stomach, he asked if I had actually gotten sick from eating food that had come in contact with her used utensils, and I had to admit I hadn't. He said: Where is the harm? It still really bothers me. what can i do? -My food is mine
Dear food me: Whether your mother-in-law thinks you are not good enough for her precious son is irrelevant. Since tolerating her rudeness hasn't made you love her, you'd better start standing up for yourself. Next time she asks to “taste that,” smile, grab your plate, cut her a piece and hand it to her.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
