Dear Abby: My 27-year-old daughter, Virginia, lives with her boyfriend, Ray, on the East Coast and teaches kindergarten. Last month, she confided that she caught him cheating. She saw the text messages on his phone.
When she confronted him, Ray immediately confessed and apologized profusely, but also kept the woman's number in his phone.
Ray will soon be moving to another state, and her job will end in about three weeks. Virginia seriously considers going with him and also mentions marriage.
Her mother and I were divorced because of her mother's infidelity, but we agreed to advise her not to stay with him.
Although he takes responsibility, betrayal is devastating in any serious relationship.
I've been communicating with Virginia back and forth via email, but sometimes she stops communicating.
I wasn't being harsh, but I asked her why Ray was keeping the other woman's number unless he wanted to keep in touch with her.
Can you think of anything else a worried father can do to help the situation? Obviously, Virginia can ignore parental advice and do whatever she wants.
I also wonder what I can say to Ray when I see him next. I don't want to give him a pass nor condemn him as a monster. – Strong father in California
Dear Dad: Talk to your daughter face to face if possible. Tell her that, as an adult, she can do whatever she wants, but as a concerned parent, you can't stay silent.
Ray reminded her of that I kept the other woman's number, Which means he intends to contact her at some point.
Explain that this means he is less committed to your daughter than he should be.
As for what you can say to Virginia's friend, tell him that you are disgusted by his selfishness and dishonesty, and that he does not deserve your daughter.
If you have any other thoughts on the topic you'd like to share, feel free to broadcast them.
Dear Abby: What do you say about a man who offers his wife's siblings an all-expenses-paid trip to Paris, knowing that his wife cannot consider going on such a trip due to mobility issues?
Full disclosure: Husband and wife have gone to Paris in the past (when the wife's health was fine), but the husband feels the need to go again and doesn't have anyone else to accompany him.
His wife will be left at home alone to fend for herself. Somehow, this whole deal leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Please set me straight. – Homebody in North Carolina
Dear Home: People with physical disabilities travel internationally all the time.
If a husband has enough money to take his wife's brothers on an all-expenses-paid trip to Paris, he can certainly afford to take his wife And caregiver With him on that trip down memory lane.
This way, she will be taken care of and will still be able to enjoy the trip to the extent that she can. No one suggested it but me?
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
