Dear Abby: I had four children when I was 24 years old. The oldest is in second grade, while the others are in second year, eighth grade, and seventh grade.
I feel, sometimes, like I'm going through a grieving process now more than ever as they get older and time speeds up incredibly quickly.
Is it normal to feel sad and sad for your children as they grow up, knowing that they will be gone in a few years? My oldest daughter just joined the military and left after her senior year of high school.
I became a mother at such a young age that it is all I have ever known and dedicated my life to (besides being a wife and healthcare worker).
Is what I'm feeling normal, and if so, has the emotional part of it gotten easier?
I pride myself on being the best mother and provider I can be, and I'm having a hard time – especially with my eldest son – knowing I have to let go. – Mama invested in Tennessee
Dear Mama: People suffer from “empty nest syndrome” to varying degrees. You are a successful parent, but you are also more than that.
You have raised your daughter into adulthood and prepared her for independence. That was your job.
It doesn't die, you don't lose it, and it doesn't “disappear over the dune.”
She now has a chance to use the skills she taught her to create a successful future.
Dry your tears. Be proud of yourself. Be proud of her. Now that your children are older, explore activities that will enrich your own life. You've earned it.
Dear Abby: I recently got engaged, and I'm thrilled to be married to an amazing man. We communicate well and have never argued so far.
Weddings are expensive, and we agreed on a budget. We will pay for this ourselves.
Once we started taking in all the costs, we quickly realized that we would have to cut back on the number of guests or increase the budget.
I am against increasing the budget to accommodate family members who my fiancé barely speaks to. I wanted a small wedding anyway.
He feels obligated to invite all of his extended family, and I don't understand that.
I love it, but why are we obligated to extend ourselves to people who won't be a major part of our lives in the future? -Frugal bride-to-be in Florida
Dear future bride: Be glad you're having this argument with your fiancé early in your engagement.
I say this because questions about priorities and how money is spent are among the main reasons marriages break down.
Although this may increase the expenses associated with your wedding, it may prevent many problems in the future if both of you get premarital counseling.
There may be other ways to cut costs rather than shortening the guest list, especially if your fiancé feels that his family members might feel offended if they aren't invited.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
