Dear Abby: My younger sister and I were close growing up. We didn't have many friends, but we were always willing to play games and have fun with each other. One time, my sister said she wanted to marry me when we grow up. I didn't think much about it because we were still kids, and I thought she didn't know there were different kinds of love.
As we grew older, we were able to develop our own friendships, and today I am engaged to my old girlfriend. My sister and my fiancée had a great relationship during the years when we were still just “boyfriend and girlfriend,” but after we announced our engagement, my sister became hostile.
As it turned out, my sister took her intention to marry me seriously, and even as we got older and she understood the difference between familial and romantic love, she carried a torch for me as a teenager.
I would love for my little sister to be part of the wedding because of how important she is to me, but she stubbornly insists on “taking me back” from my fiancée. Is there a way to explain the reality of this situation, or is our brotherly bond made for good? — Terrified brother in California
Dear Terrified: Your sister needs the services of a mental health professional to rid herself of her attachment to you. She should no Be a part of your wedding party because her presence under these circumstances can be annoying. If they attend at all, someone should be assigned to remove them if they become a nuisance. Maybe your sibling bond can be re-established later, but don't count on it.
Dear Abby: I'm dating a guy I'll call Lionel. He's living with me temporarily (and paying half the rent) while I get back on my feet because I was recently laid off from work.
Lionel was previously in an 18-year relationship that ended three years ago when his ex-wife kicked him out. She still asked him to pay for things, including the $1,800 credit card bill she ran up. He told me he was “forced” to do it, which makes me doubt that he still loves her. Even though Lionel claims to love me, he still does things like this for her. I'm not sure what to think, and I'm no longer sure I should be with him. Am I wrong for being upset? — Confused in Nevada
Dear Confused: Lionel seems to be a generous person. If he is living with you to ease your financial burden since the layoff, I think you should be grateful. I don't know why he feels obligated to pay his ex-girlfriend's credit card bill, and she didn't say why.
Discuss this matter with him calmly before deciding whether it is worth ending the relationship. If it's a one-time thing, at least let it pass until you find another job. However, if he is bound to the woman forever, find another roommate.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
